Babe

Babe, seriously, what's the deal with the luggage in the corridor? Jesus, I nearly broke my neck....
What? Sand? What about sand? 
In our bed?
That's weird....No, I don't know anything about....
I....honestly couldn't tell you, babes, maybe one the kids tracked it in?
In my shoes? Really? That's.....um...really? In my shoes?
What?
Yes, yes, yes, okay, now that you mention it, I was....I did go down to the beach yesterday. I had....let's backtrack a bit, I was sick, right? At work, not feeling so great so I left early....is what happened. I just forgot to tell you, is all.
Anyway, it came out of nowhere....and I just needed to leave the office. Man, my stomach was....blah! I thought was going to be sick right then and there, you know? In my little waste paper bin, not a good look,…..my head was spinning, my.....no, my head and my stomach were both upset by then.....yep. I was in a bad way....
So I just left, got on the bus, right there in the city, and, so stupid, I know, but I was looking at my phone, mesmerised, and I didn't even register. I went sailing right past our house, our stop, and the next time I looked up, I was down at the beach. You know how these bloody phones make you into a zombie? 
Anyway, the luggage, in the, you still haven't answered my question about...
What? The beach? Me? 
So yeah, I was down there, middle of the day, not feeling great as I said, and it was really beautiful, you know? A killer day, a really....an amazing day so I decided that I might as well have a swim, why not? Right?
What?
No, my stomach was better by then because....I guess the bus ride settled me a bit, I don't know. Hey did you want me tonight cook because....
What? Kelly Lustig? What does she......?
No, I didn't....so what you're saying is....Kelly was down at the beach and she saw me? Really?
Okay, I didn't know that, small world, ha!
Monica Shears? What does.....? Oh, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, Monica.....
What? 
Me and Monica Shears? Frolicking in the water?
No, no, no...that's not.....that's ridiculous. That’s insane. 
What?
I saw.....wait a minute! Now that you mention it....now that you got me thinking about it, I did see Monica down there, at the beach, that's right, I totally forgot, so, no, you’re right, you are absolutely right babe. She was down there and we, you know, had a chat. That's all. And we might have....we probably talked for what? Five minutes? Ten tops? Standing by the flags. I don't even remember what we talked about...but 'frolicking'? Hardy babe. Kelly Lustig must have a vivid imagination, that’s…. 
A photo? Wow……so let me get this straight, what you're saying is, Kelly Lustig sent you a photograph, from her phone, of me and Monica Shears "frolicking' in the surf? Wow! I am not liking where this is going, babe. Wow! This is bullshit. BS. Either that or Kelly Lustig has a very, very, very....you know, vivid imagination. Sounds to me like she could make a decent living writing fantasy novels....is what it is. Look, whatever, show me this so-called "evidence" of this so-called "crime" I'm being convicted of, seriously, because….
Oh. Okay, there it is, so you do have the photo....no, this is good, we can clear this thing up. 
What?
Babe, I think this is getting, like, beyond ridiculous now. Come on. You're blowing this thing way, way, way out of proportion. Think about it, what do we really have here? One photo of me standing next to Monica Shears and....
What? I put my arm around the waists of many women..I do it all the time. I’m an affectionate person. You know that....It’s simply a gesture of, it's just me being polite, that's all it is. It's a chivalrous gesture babe. Call me old fashion. It's just me being friendly, that's all. You know what? I am beginning to feel like I'm some sort of.....I’m being treated like a criminal here because.... 
What?
My credit card statement? What hotel bills?
Whoa! Whoa....time out. Can we pause for a moment? Babe, do you hear yourself? Do you? All the craziness that's is coming out of your mouth right now? Come on....I mean we need to talk about this, totally, but...let's try to keep a sense of perspective here.... 
Where are you going?
What?
What does that mean? "My Uber is here?" What are we talking about? All this because you found sand in my shoes? How did we go from sand in my shoes to you leaving? 
Babe? 
Babe, can we talk about this? 
Babe?