Wear the mask, be the mask

'Wear the mask, be the mask’. 

This is my new motto. Every morning, just before I leave the house, I visualise putting on my mask which in my mind's eye is a sort of moulded plastic shell. You know those slightly unnerving transparent plastic masks bank robbers wear in movies sometimes? Like that, only it doesn't make my face all ugly and distorted. Mine is a pretty mask. 

When I first started doing this, I'd actually go through the motions of lowering the mask over my head while pulling back the elastic band and carefully fitting it onto my face. I imaged my real face snuggly filling the smooth contours and the edges of the mask blending into my own skin. This mask of mine comes complete with a readily available smile, bright if somewhat impersonal eyes, clear skin without a single hint of scepticism or fatigue. This mask is the most congenial version of yours truly.

Look, I just decided it was much better this way. The office, my place of work, had de-evolved into a primordial swamp of infighting and nepotism. There were waring factions and schoolyard bullying. There was definitely a very unprofessional vibe and my career had stalled in this environment. One day I read this article that ran totally counter to the whole 'be yourself at work' approach. The article said precisely the opposite. ’Don't be yourself’ advised the article. Cultivate and maintain a professional shell, advised the writer. Statistically speaking, people who take this approach fair better in the work place. 

Long story short, I decided to try this approach. After all, what had personal investment gotten me to date? Nothing. Zip. So I developed my professional shell, my mask. And now, each morning, I slip on my mask and I don't break character until I'm out of the office. And let me tell you, it has made my life a hell of a lot easier. Now I smile and I nod. I cheerfully get on with whatever task has been asked of me. I have the following resources ready at my disposal. Empathy (within reason), positivity (a boundless reserve) and frightening levels of efficiency (I get things done regardless of the context or purpose, as long as they don’t compromise my own professional standing). 

In terms those personality types who are still flailing around 'being themselves'....I tend to avoid these people like the plague. I keep on the move, duck and dodge, avoid getting bogged down in their problems. The mask is not rigid. It has some several modes of response. It can generate an excellent face of concern when confronted by a colleague having a nervous breakdown out by the photocopier. It can project the face of slight bewilderment with a touch of playful indignation when dealing with one of Harris's probing sexist joke. These days, when cornered and dragged into a gossip gaggle, the mask will generate an expression of detached and fast dwindling interest, a complete lack of conspiratorial cooperation, which is no fun what so ever for the gossip bullies.  

Ultimately emotional neutrality and a cheerful disposition wins out. It may drive certain personality types crazy, it may even isolate you from those who insist on playing the social game but eventually these bad eggs either fall into line or get the flick. As of late, man they have been dropping like flies. Gavin was the latest. It is common knowledge that he has been simmering away like a volcano for weeks, upset about a number of perceived injustices. Anyway, it all came out at the staff drinks last week (the mask must never, under any circumstances become compromised because of excessive alcohol consumption. If it does, then those who suspect there is a real person behind the mask will have their suspicions confirms and all the work you have done will have come to nought).

In a nutshell…poor old Gavin. After power drinking for several hours, he went batshit crazy. Emboldened by alcohol he was determined to set us all straight and 'tell it like it is'. Oh yes, he told everyone about his current state of dissatisfaction. When he got to me, standing off to one side, drink in hand, he goes, ‘and don't for one-minute think I don't know your little game missy’. 

I laughed (the mask crinkles mischievously) and said, what game would that be Gavin? At close range, he was cross-eyed, munted, probably about four drinks ahead of everyone else. This, he mumbled, gesturing vaguely in the direction of my breasts, this whole friendly, Miss Congeniality thing you do. This little Miss helpful to a bloody fault. Little miss plastic sainthood. There then followed some other expletives which I won't go into.

Long story short, I just smiled sweetly and shrugged. Seeing that he was not going to be able to penetrate the mask, Gavin lurched off towards his next victim. And relatively, I got off lightly. Oh boy, did he laid into the others. From what I heard, he went completely nuts. The accumulative effect? In terms of his career? The effect was such that he might as well have attempted to break dance naked in his own excrement. HR called him in the following Monday for a chat. They put him on a tight performance management leash. He fell in line. He had no choice. He had a mortgage and three kids with crooked teeth. 

Anyway, I have been slipping my mask on every day for a year now. And it had helped my career immensely. Although putting on the mask is an act which requires a great deal of self-discipline, it has become second nature to me, to the point that it has carried over into my social life and my family relationships. Now I don't know if this was by design or accident but regardless, I have started to hear similar accusations levelled at me, accusations that I am detached. Are you on something, they ask. A mood stabiliser? You have changed, they say. 

Yes, I have. For the better in my opinion. As I say, it has made my life much easier. I just smile and turn the world's negativity into something positive. 

Long story short, I am able to eliminate all of the energy sapping emotional negotiations and compromises. I don’t mind that my sister called me passive aggressive. Sociopathic even. I don't know about that. Honestly, I don’t care. I do know my approach keeps things humming along. 

A simple, happy tune that gets me through the day.